Thursday, April 3, 2014
I know in my last post, I mentioned a new year, a new me. Well, I did make some changes to get that kick started, but lately I have been feeling like I am just wandering along in a deep haze heading nowhere. I have been sitting and doing a lot of thinking this week and when I sit alone, the only thing that keeps scrolling through my mind are these questions, Where am I going? What am I doing? Before… I used to always have a goal in mind, I knew where I headed, and what my future was SUPPOSED TO look like. That’s the key words, SUPPOSED TO. When you get married, have a family, and truly believe you are with the person you were made to be with, you never expect that anything could ever change your direction in life. I honestly never thought it was possible. It never crossed my mind, it wasn’t an option. I thought it was for better or worse? At least it is SUPPOSED TO be. There are those words again. :( If you believe in something with all of your heart and it lets you down, then what do you have to believe in anymore??
Before, I knew what my future looked like. Yes, there was issues, but those were just SUPPOSED TO be speed bumps, hills, etc. to pass over… everybody has those. I was SUPPOSED TO grow old with my spouse as we raised our daughters together and then watch them blossom into what their future holds for them. I knew what my future looked like and what to expect. Now… I don’t. I thought I had met and was with my soul mate, I was wrong. I don’t know what I have to look forward too anymore. I have no goals, no ambitions, no future. I am just waking up day after day, doing the same old thing and wondering when the day is going to come that THIS is going to change. Right now, I don’t know what to do with myself or what my future looks like. I think being alone is one of the WORST feelings a human can ever experience. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. :(
However, I did get a very nice message today from a great friend who knows exactly how I feel. It was just what I needed to hear. Even though my friend was referring to themselves, it really hit home and made me think… maybe I need to think the same way?
“I am a good person and someday that special someone will come my way that appreciates me for who I am.”
Enough said. Later Peeps.