Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I am writing this post in hopes that it may help me some by getting it out and off my chest, I don’t know, it may not, but here goes nothing. Friday, April 27, 2012, I was raped. I am not going to go into any details because just thinking about the occurrence makes me cry, much less talking about it. However, I have not been able to cope with this. I don’t know how to cope with this. I can’t sleep, or if I do sleep I have nightmares. It’s as if my sleeping medicines have just immediately quit working once this happened. My head is a freaking MESS. I cry off and on. I just don’t know how to deal with such a horrific crime that’s been committed against me. It’s as if there is a horror movie playing in my head and it is stuck on repeat and I cannot get it to shut off. It has caused me to start drinking more so and to even act out in ways I really don’t mean to.
To top all that off, I am in the middle of having to try to deal with loosing my life the way I have always known it. My husband and I are splitting up. Not because of the rape, that doesn’t help matters any, but because of many other factors. He is taking my girls with him and I do not know how to cope with that either. I have too many things that I am trying to deal with and I feel like I am just falling into this deep, dark hole fast that has no bottom and I just keep falling.
I am terribly afraid that all of this is going to set me up for an episode soon, because I am not sure how much more I can take. I just want to curl up in the fetal position in a corner somewhere and cry for days. No one understands the pain I am holding inside. They all have me misunderstood. IF only they knew…
Even those out there who may not be a mom, I am talking to you too because you are deserving of having a Happy Mother’s Day as well! 
, so have yourself a GREAT DAY!!
It wasn’t fun. I did good for the first part of the day, holding back the tears. I even made it to the gym to work out without crying. But come close to four in the afternoon, it hit me like a ton of bricks and the tears flowed. I couldn’t stop them. They were sliding down my cheeks so fast, one right after the other, I simply couldn’t keep my face dry. My heart was aching with pain. I just could not pull myself together… all I could do was cry. 
