About Me

My name is Stephanie.  I am living with the horrible disease Bipolar Disorder I, P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder), and O.C.D.  I was married, but now divorced, 2012, and have two wonderful girls.  I went through some very rough experiences with doctors, medications, and involuntary hospitalizations.   I finally came to the reality that no matter how hard I try to ignore this disease, it is not going to go away.  And as much as it hurts me, I guess I am finally going to own up to the fact that I do indeed have a mental disease and my only hopes of living any kind of life is to find true, honest, specialized help.  I am in desperate need of help, I have hit the lowest of the lows, and I am suicidal off and on.  This is my last-ditch effort to taking that step to getting help or ending it all.  On that note, I want to document a day in the life of a bipolar person in hopes that anyone who may be struggling with understanding a spouse, partner, loved one, or family member who is bipolar that just maybe me documenting what goes through my head and how I am feeling daily might help you understand what your loved one is possibly going through.  I want to take you through this journey through a bipolar persons’ eyes.  If I am able to help just one person out there somewhere have more understanding of what a bipolar person goes through, then I have successfully achieved my mission here. Health Blogs Health blogs

10 Responses to About Me

  1. Hi Stephanie,
    thank you for your post on my blog. I removed the post because it was… er too disturbing for even me to re-read.

  2. very bipolar says:

    I posted on my likes accidentally I hope you can remove it.One Response to My Likes
    very bipolar says:
    December 15, 2010 at 10:59 AM
    Hi how are you. I am doing better. Finally accepted my marriage is over. I may not see my daughter for years but I can’t sacrifice myself to stay there in Lebanon. He is a verbal abuser it became more clear when I got sick instead of helping he made it worse. Of course he denies that. I even stopped talking to him online. He would get me upset all day. I talk to my daughter on Sundays but, I’m not sure that will last. I read most of your website unbelievable what you went through. You must have strength you never knew you had. It is terrible what they did to you. Why don’t your parents talk to you anymore, if I may ask? Did you get back on your medsand are you seeing someone? For me it really helped.

    • Stephanie says:

      Hey there! I am very sorry to hear your about your marriage and your daughter, but you DON’T need to be in an abusive relationship. My first marriage was that and it was HORRIBLE daily. I finally got out. my parents disowned me after the diagnosis and told me there was no such thing as mental illness that I was just possessed by the devil is all. My dad told me I was as good as dead to them and he never wanted to see me or talk to me again. Yes! I am seeing to drs and started med yesterday. I am so excited now for hope!

  3. Hey there :-). I just read a few of your blogs, and your ‘About Me’, and it’s nice to find someone who is on here for the same reason as me. I have Clinical Depression, and I find it hard sometimes too. If y’need someone to talk to, mail me :-) xx

  4. Jim says:

    Wow. I feel for you Stephanie. I really wish society would take mental illness more seriously. I believe that for most in our society, it is easier to ignore something than deal with it and fix it. My wife has been diagnosed bipolar II/schizophrenic. She’s had to be hospitalized 14 times, jailed 3 times, once facing a 30 year charge of assault with a deadly weapon, a year of court hearings, psychiatrist appointments ending with the verdict being she was insance and two years of probation. Although she is unable to work for many reasons that range from the economy to her record to the fact that even some of the slightest stresses can trigger her mania, for the most part, she remains somewhat happy, alive and out of trouble with the meds. She tries to do things, but doesn’t often get far. If we had money, things would definitely be better. Financial difficulty that stems from the affectations and dealings with mental illness are not to be taken lightly.

    It’s really sad to see such a wonderful person as yourself surrounded by such close-minded and ignorant people such as your parents and husband. Your husband of all people should be the one standing by you the most. He should KNOW you. After all, if the shoe were on the other foot, is this how he would expect to be treated? Thrown out of his home and away from everything he needs to live? Hopefully, he will come around and realize that you are indeed meant to be in his life. Mental illness and all. I know it’s always easier to run, but we don’t grow spiritually when constantly avoid the very issues we must face in our lives.

    I am not religious, per se, but since over 85% of the U.S. claim to be Christian, there’s a good chance that those around you are Christian and they’ve obviously missed the most important lesson of all that Jesus tried to show us on the cross and that is unconditional love. We all have situations to overcome. Some of us more so than others. Your parents need to open their eyes and realize that their daughter needs help. And not just medication. If you truly believe that there is more to our lives than just what we see on this earth and that there is ONE true God or life force, then you must realize that suicide is not the answer. Although, you’ve most certainly been dealt a tough hand at this point in your life, then you must know that our souls come here for a reason. Yes, that means YOU too! There is a reason this is happening to you. There is a reason everyone around you is being exposed to this horrible illness. Whether it is to teach them how to deal with it or how to open their closed minds or give you an opportunity to do something with this and come out triumphant, something good can come out of this.

    The fact that you know how to create a blog shows that you have an above average technical ability and are somewhat web savvy. Add to that the fact that your writing style is excellent. It seems to me you have quite a few options available to you. But, you must, must, must, at all costs, stay on your meds, avoid all stress (worry and anxiety included) and physical extremes like being in the heat too long or over exerting yourself for long periods of time. I believe these mental and physical influences affect the way your medications work and cause your body to excrete other chemicals that I believe can also affect the absorption and distribution of your medications within your body.

    I wish you all the best and will be back whenever I get the chance. Take care!! There are many of us out here in cyberspace that do indeed care about you, Stephanie. Hang in there and never give up.

  5. Saundra says:

    Hi, Stephanie
    I myself am Bipolar and suffer from PTSD…..I have been dealing with this and more for going on what now is 14 years….The Struggle is real and at times unbearable but with the right support system it can be manageable, that I promise you….I came across your blog while I was doing some research to start my own blog about my life and struggle with bipolar….If you would like to talk shoot me a message :) Maybe we can share some ideas on how to manage

    • Stephanie says:

      Hi Saundra! Thank you for the reply. I am always excited to hear from others like myself. It is a comfort in talking with someone else who understands your struggles. I would be happy to chat sometime! I am always open to talking! Write back when you can and thanks again for the comment!!

      Stephanie

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