Monday, March 12, 2013
As I sit at rock bottom, I think I am starting to realize that I don’t really believe that the reality of the past year has actually set in with me yet. I think my mind has maybe thought it really wasn’t happening, or it was just a big, bad dream and I would eventually wake up, but just as it took me nearly 2 years to really grasp the reality of the fact I was indeed Bipolar and accept, I don’t think I have yet accepted the fact that I have actually lost everything I have ever known to be my “family”, my life, etc. and it is really gone. I don’t think I can. It hurts too much to try to accept that and not to mention, I don’t want to accept that. And one of the main contributing factors to losing it all, I now HATE WITH A PASSION! I am talking about alcohol. I self medicated with alcohol to try to deal with coping with Bipolar, which then only led me to end up loosing my whole life. Alcohol is such a dirty, ugly, shady demon. It may seem like a fix at first, but in the end… it will rob you of everything, even your last breath if you let it. I can see my reality now, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to accept it.