Monday, October 22, 1012

I pulled out my scrapbooks I have done over the years of my girls and family dating back to the year of at least 2001 maybe and was looking at them.  All I can keep thinking when I see Eric and I in them is wtf happened??  Was that happiness that appears to be in those pictures really even there?  Or was it faked?  Did he really even love me then?  If you could only see my books you would see how much I loved my family and my girls.  I just don’t understand what happened?  Where did this go wrong really?  I am honestly starting to believe it went wrong when he found out I was bipolar and “said” he would be there for me but in reality, he couldn’t do it and didn’t want to be.  I feel like my life was ripped away from me and that was not fair to me, and I truly feel it was all due to being bipolar.  I’m sure if asked, he would not agree to any of this, but deep down, I truly believe this is the honest reason.  I have been punished for something that I have no control over having.  Granted, I have it all under control now, but it’s not my fault I was dealt that card.  I thought marriage was forever, better or worse.   But I guess he really never truly loved me and those pics I keep looking at were just faked.  It hurts to look at the past.  Therefore, I can only look towards the future now.  But it will be very hard to trust again, especially after 12 years.  So how DO YOU KNOW what is REAL in this world????
Later peeps :/